[personal profile] milo6456
Leave it to me to do something dramatic and then not even be able to follow through with it. It's not that I thought my journal would be deleted forever, but I did think it would be longer than one day. I guess I should start off by apologizing for my disappearance. I guess I realized people would notice that I was gone, but I didn't know they would be so concerned. Perhaps it seemed very sudden to everyone, but, in my selfish state, it didn't seem that way. Things have been building up for awhile and yesterday, they all came to a head.

I got into my previous fandom, Kate Winslet, when Titanic came out and she was a huge star. She was doing a lot of talk shows, she was on the cover of every other magazine, there was a lot to talk about. Eventually, though, that died down. It took her about a year to make another movie and she lived in England. We didn't "see" much of her and there wasn't much to talk about. I was a very active member of a messageboard at the time and it turned into a mess. People fought over the stupidest things and I had a really hard time holding my tongue (or my fingers, as it were). That sort of environment was essentially what made me find a new fandom.

It's my theory that kerfuffles are caused mostly by boredom. When there's nothing to talk about, we have to make our own entertainment. It's all the fault of the hiatus! Down with the hiatus! It's not as if the guys aren't doing anything, but . . . I don't know about all of you, but I got into this fandom because of *NSYNC; not because of Joey, Justin, JC, Chris, or even Lance, but because of what they are together. In this case, the whole is much more than the sum of its parts and *NSYNC has quite literally kept me alive in the past. I want that to be a good thing.

Yesterday, there was a kerfuffle. It certainly wasn't the first time it's happened in this fandom and it definitely won't be the last. Nothing that was said was directed at me, but it still hit close to home. I found I couldn't keep myself from getting into the middle of things and I didn't like that. The kerfuffle put me in a bad mood and the fact that it affected me so much made me feel even worse. When it gets to the point where I'm punching walls at work and barely restraining my self from yelling at people every time I pick up the phone, it's gone too far. I don't want the bad parts of fandom to be that important in my life.

Feeling out of control is never good. I didn't think I could prevent myself from being rude to people I don't even know. So, I chose the one thing over which I did have control. I deleted my journal to get away from the bad things about lj and things that bother me about it. In the process, I found out a lot about the good things. Many of you emailed me or left comments wondering where I was. I have to say that I was pretty overwhelmed by that. And, it may take me awhile to get back to you, but each of you will get a reply from me. Because you deserve at least that much.
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